i clicked this notification when it buzzed. found myself wishing i could talk to you to about it. realized you have the option right there to schedule time to talk. suddenly at a loss for the same words that felt so close a moment ago.
We have recently heard about a few people with DID, who were getting a lot of hate for detransitioning....
And it's such a fucked up story, they were basically pushed by their therapists into identifying as Transgender and medically transitioning, because the therapists didn't believe that DID existed and so needed a different explanation for the identity confusion.
Getting a full gender transition was the only way they could see to get at least some kind of help and potentially become "unattractive" for their traumatic environment.
It's such a shame people are calling them anti trans, when they were obviously just trying to survive a very difficult situation.
Personally, we have about as many opinions on gender as alters in our system. It's an interesting topic to talk about and I don't really see anything wrong with disagreeing?
I love your writing so much, and I knew if you ever wrote on this topic you would do it in such a nuanced and gentle way. You knocked it out of the park. I saw the notification while driving and didn't get out of my car at my destination until I read the whole thing.
Ah I have so much to say after reading this, there's so much to take in. These words felt so nourishing and a breath of fresh air. I feel so seen and heard and like a weight is lifted off my shoulders.
I support education that teaches respect for all genders & sexualities. I say that as a queer leftist from a multiracial background who believes so strongly in this. At the same time, we need to look reality in the eye: we live in a pluralistic society, and a one-size-fits-all approach & disregard for all others is not gonna cut it.
I don't know what the path forward is, but allowing perspectives like those you expressed in this essay is absolutely necessary. I feel desperate to hear more!
Thank you for this caring, thoughtful, nuanced writing on a really tough topic to talk about. I wish I could feel more comfortable having these conversations (outside my closest relationships) without, like you said, being labeled as a bigot or phobic. Asking questions has got to be okay.
Really interesting read, lots to think about here! I think this nuance is so important! Also, can you help me understand what you mean by this: "Queer and trans people’s sudden embrace of the state as arbiter of what is “good” for children is surprising to me. Do we not remember being seen as unfit to parent for being queer." Maybe this is a Canadian thing? I'm confused because I feel like the debate right now (at least here in the US) is that the Right wants the state to block children from medically transitioning - so they want the state to be the arbiter of what is "good" for children. Are you referring to something else?
I’m pretty sure this is referring to the Right also attempting to use the power of the state to prevent queer people from being parents, take away their children, and undermine their parental rights. So conceiving of the delicate issue of parental authority over children vs state authority over children isn’t straightforward and mutually exclusive, since both can be weaponized abusively and in anti-Queer ways.
Hey Clementine, you have an impressive ability to bring clarity to messy and contentious issues. I love that you insist on embracing the complexity. As with so much of your writing, you have helped me to be clearer on my own position and more confident to talk about it. Thank you ❤️
i clicked this notification when it buzzed. found myself wishing i could talk to you to about it. realized you have the option right there to schedule time to talk. suddenly at a loss for the same words that felt so close a moment ago.
[edited to remove an overshare.]
these conversations are so hard.
Fantastic and much needed essay. The care and the nuance you bring. Thank you so, so much.
We have recently heard about a few people with DID, who were getting a lot of hate for detransitioning....
And it's such a fucked up story, they were basically pushed by their therapists into identifying as Transgender and medically transitioning, because the therapists didn't believe that DID existed and so needed a different explanation for the identity confusion.
Getting a full gender transition was the only way they could see to get at least some kind of help and potentially become "unattractive" for their traumatic environment.
It's such a shame people are calling them anti trans, when they were obviously just trying to survive a very difficult situation.
Personally, we have about as many opinions on gender as alters in our system. It's an interesting topic to talk about and I don't really see anything wrong with disagreeing?
Incredible work. So many thread to untangle and tame.
I love your writing so much, and I knew if you ever wrote on this topic you would do it in such a nuanced and gentle way. You knocked it out of the park. I saw the notification while driving and didn't get out of my car at my destination until I read the whole thing.
Thank you for being a voice on the left that speaks about these issues with respect ❤️
Ah I have so much to say after reading this, there's so much to take in. These words felt so nourishing and a breath of fresh air. I feel so seen and heard and like a weight is lifted off my shoulders.
I support education that teaches respect for all genders & sexualities. I say that as a queer leftist from a multiracial background who believes so strongly in this. At the same time, we need to look reality in the eye: we live in a pluralistic society, and a one-size-fits-all approach & disregard for all others is not gonna cut it.
I don't know what the path forward is, but allowing perspectives like those you expressed in this essay is absolutely necessary. I feel desperate to hear more!
Thank you for this caring, thoughtful, nuanced writing on a really tough topic to talk about. I wish I could feel more comfortable having these conversations (outside my closest relationships) without, like you said, being labeled as a bigot or phobic. Asking questions has got to be okay.
Looks like someone over at CBC had a similar train of thought: https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/new-brunswick/what-makes-a-good-canadian-a-muslim-parental-rights-marcher-speaks-out-1.7067281
Thanks for sharing.
Really interesting read, lots to think about here! I think this nuance is so important! Also, can you help me understand what you mean by this: "Queer and trans people’s sudden embrace of the state as arbiter of what is “good” for children is surprising to me. Do we not remember being seen as unfit to parent for being queer." Maybe this is a Canadian thing? I'm confused because I feel like the debate right now (at least here in the US) is that the Right wants the state to block children from medically transitioning - so they want the state to be the arbiter of what is "good" for children. Are you referring to something else?
I’m pretty sure this is referring to the Right also attempting to use the power of the state to prevent queer people from being parents, take away their children, and undermine their parental rights. So conceiving of the delicate issue of parental authority over children vs state authority over children isn’t straightforward and mutually exclusive, since both can be weaponized abusively and in anti-Queer ways.
Hey Clementine, you have an impressive ability to bring clarity to messy and contentious issues. I love that you insist on embracing the complexity. As with so much of your writing, you have helped me to be clearer on my own position and more confident to talk about it. Thank you ❤️