I’m a 65 yo incest, child sexual abuse, sexual assault survivor, and all of that is still seated in the fabric of my being, showing itself in myriad ways in my life, undoing, remaking, showing how deep it goes. When I followed recently, the thread of a question, “how did I get here to this place where I am right now?”, it lead me back to the place where I have no words, just knowing and the feeling, the gone-ness, the practiced and learned response about how to make it through, and gauzy dreamlike memories that have no place to land. The damage is real, no matter how strong and capable you are to survive it.
I loved this, as usual and have had extremely similar experiences in the sex trade / in queer leftist culture. I’m curious if you know about the Equality Model/ Nordic Model (survivor focused model advocating for full decrim and supports for sellers but not decriminalizing for pimps, Johns, and brothel owners)?
The Equality Model is not anti-carceral in the buyer sense, but as a prison abolitionist myself, I still think it’s a better realistic option of what could be put in place now than what can happen with full decriminalization / legalization, as there is evidence of industry demand / sex tourism/ trafficking increasing in countries that have done full decrim.
It's wild to me how badly some progressives enforce the like... puritanical platonic good of sex work when that is not the primary reality for most folks. I was so lucky that my dabbling in sex work as a trans woman was *mostly* validating and empowering but I would never evangelize to the extent that it isn't fundamentally fraught by being built on the misogynistic pillars of capitalism. Thank you deeply for your honest writing and shared experience.
An important conversation. I remember seriously thinking about the question of sex work in Montreal between 2015-17, surrounded by pro and anti SW feminists. I also wondered why the talk was so much about choice and lack thereof, and empowerment and morality, about a unilateral service from women to men (in like 90% of cases). The question for me was also sexism. I eventually did get into SW, thinking that if men would be sexually violent anyways, I might as well get money for it. It was always in moments of scarcity, never a choice I would've made if I was rich. The experience was fortunately not traumatizing for me, but that's also related to the type of SW and the privileges I hold.
Last year during a "sex work festival", some older former sex workers told all the youngsters to not enter the industry if they can. That it marginalizes you for life.
I still always wondered if a different sex industry was possible if the clients were sapphic women. So I launched my queer strip club event, and that has felt celebratory and empowering, I'd say for all the workers and all the audience. It's like a utopia.
And at the same time, lots of people, specifically trans women, especially in Mexico I think, don't really have lots of other options than sex work. So offering queer sex work options doesn't feel revolutionary in that context.
So much to say about this topic, and yet, even though I have done SW, I feel like my voice isn't legitimate. We need more deeper conversations like this.
Thank God for you.
Thank You. Theres nothing left to say. From the bottom of my Heart - Thank You.
Yes. Yes to everything you’ve written here.
I’m a 65 yo incest, child sexual abuse, sexual assault survivor, and all of that is still seated in the fabric of my being, showing itself in myriad ways in my life, undoing, remaking, showing how deep it goes. When I followed recently, the thread of a question, “how did I get here to this place where I am right now?”, it lead me back to the place where I have no words, just knowing and the feeling, the gone-ness, the practiced and learned response about how to make it through, and gauzy dreamlike memories that have no place to land. The damage is real, no matter how strong and capable you are to survive it.
Terrific essay, and once again I’ve subscribed just for the opportunity to say this.
Just discovered you and your writing, worth every penny.
I’m sure I’ll have a lot more to comment going forward, but for now I will just say, you are so important. !
A very well-thought-out position that is hard to find elsewhere in the sex work discourse.
I loved this, as usual and have had extremely similar experiences in the sex trade / in queer leftist culture. I’m curious if you know about the Equality Model/ Nordic Model (survivor focused model advocating for full decrim and supports for sellers but not decriminalizing for pimps, Johns, and brothel owners)?
The Equality Model is not anti-carceral in the buyer sense, but as a prison abolitionist myself, I still think it’s a better realistic option of what could be put in place now than what can happen with full decriminalization / legalization, as there is evidence of industry demand / sex tourism/ trafficking increasing in countries that have done full decrim.
Also, I think you would love this essay https://decolonizefeminism.substack.com/p/pro-sex-work-is-anti-labor
Thanks for the info. I’ll take a look at what you’ve shared and consider.
Thank you, it was really interesting to read about your take and your experience on this complicated topic. It gave me a lot to think about.
It's wild to me how badly some progressives enforce the like... puritanical platonic good of sex work when that is not the primary reality for most folks. I was so lucky that my dabbling in sex work as a trans woman was *mostly* validating and empowering but I would never evangelize to the extent that it isn't fundamentally fraught by being built on the misogynistic pillars of capitalism. Thank you deeply for your honest writing and shared experience.
An important conversation. I remember seriously thinking about the question of sex work in Montreal between 2015-17, surrounded by pro and anti SW feminists. I also wondered why the talk was so much about choice and lack thereof, and empowerment and morality, about a unilateral service from women to men (in like 90% of cases). The question for me was also sexism. I eventually did get into SW, thinking that if men would be sexually violent anyways, I might as well get money for it. It was always in moments of scarcity, never a choice I would've made if I was rich. The experience was fortunately not traumatizing for me, but that's also related to the type of SW and the privileges I hold.
Last year during a "sex work festival", some older former sex workers told all the youngsters to not enter the industry if they can. That it marginalizes you for life.
I still always wondered if a different sex industry was possible if the clients were sapphic women. So I launched my queer strip club event, and that has felt celebratory and empowering, I'd say for all the workers and all the audience. It's like a utopia.
And at the same time, lots of people, specifically trans women, especially in Mexico I think, don't really have lots of other options than sex work. So offering queer sex work options doesn't feel revolutionary in that context.
So much to say about this topic, and yet, even though I have done SW, I feel like my voice isn't legitimate. We need more deeper conversations like this.