Recently, Jay and I had the pleasure and honour of interviewing Andrea Gibson on Fucking Cancelled. It’s one of my favourite interviews we’ve ever done, which is not surprising because Andrea is a wisdom powerhouse, cracking open hearts with their courageous grace and gentle strength.
I feel like my body is a massive stadium and every cell in my body is applauding in a standing ovation right now and I don't think I've ever felt like that in my life. This piece reads like a blowtorch that never once lightens up. I don't know where these metaphors are coming from, I'm just floored an grateful, and I aspire to stand up for my people (and people who are not my people) with this level of sharp ferocity. 👏👏👏
I have not been cancelled, can’t even begin to imagine the pain and distress of it but you remain a lode star for me for not collapsing my boundaries, values and ethics in the face of domination and for resisting the impulse to police and be policed by others. Thank you for standing tall and firm. You give me the strength to do the same. You never should have had to do any of this. What happened to you is so wrong. Sharing your wisdom about it is extremely generous and gracious given you’ve very often not been given the same. Thank you for everything.
thanks for your unending bravery, Clementine. please thank Jay for me too. i’ve been cancelled, i know the struggle, but for y’all to have to deal with it on such a mass scale because of some bs accusations (or for any reason, even if the accusations /were/ legitimate) is despicable. but y’all have built a beautiful life & community & i am so happy to witness it 🩷
I'm profoundly grateful for you and your work. It's helped me begin to process my own experiences as an abuse survivor whose abuser was cancelled. It's a strange space to occupy. Not enough people talk about how traumatic cancellation is for the survivors/victims of intimate partner violence. You helped me understand that I wasn't the one who dehumanized him...the media took care of that. Because of cancel culture, the most horrific and shameful experiences of my life became sensationalized clickbait, and people who refused to protect me in real life became keyboard warriors for his downfall. And what was it all for? The news outlets get their clicks. The keyboard warriors wipe their hands saying "our work here is done" never acknowledging their own role. The broken systems everywhere never get a second glance. And now he's in prison, for a very long time, trauma compounded. I worry about the day he gets out and he blames me. I've always known that cancel culture did not give me safety or healing, and I have this sense that it also stole something from me. I'm still working through all this, 7 years since the relationship ended, 4.5 years since the cancelling.
This "anti-racist" flavor of racism drives me crazy.
For example, when I hear Nexans making jokes about how "white people can't dance," I want to pull my hair out. That's race science! Race science doesn't become anti-racist if it's used to insult white people! Even if we were to take the effect on white people out of the equation (which I think is a mistake as I see shame as a factor that perpetuates this type of behavior), it's still homogenizing and essentializing the dancing ability of non-white people by contrast!
I guess if I were to dig into what I'm really feeling under this analysis though, I think I'm frustrated and sad because I don't know how to talk to my friends that make those kinds of jokes in a way that they'll hear me. I want our connections to feel more joyful and easeful and I get tense when I hear comments like that.
I agree with everything you’ve written here, fervently. I’ve been seeing a lot of examples of this in certain communities I’m part of, on a much smaller scale, but it’s the same mechanism at work. People getting ostracized, kicked out of community events and activities, and publicly shunned for…not much, usually. Confused, hazy accusations. You ask for details and get excuses and justifications instead. It’s all so stupid. A little critical thinking could prevent all of it.
The cancellers aren’t bad people, in the cases I’ve seen. They are usually traumatized and easily triggered, not incredibly wise or intelligent, not particularly well read or prone to deep thought, not receptive or sufficiently sensitive to nuance and subtleties, and very susceptible to social pressure.
I want so deeply to reach more of these people. To dodge my own tendency to judge and dehumanize them the way they do to others. It helps to focus on the humanity behind the hatred. But damn, it makes me mad. And frustrated.
I wish I could snap my fingers and make everyone on the planet as intelligent, compassionate, and wise as you and Jay. And I cannot WAIT to binge your podcast. As a recent fan of your writing, I’m only now hearing about it and I’m pretty sure it’s gonna be my new obsession.
Thank you for the work you do, Clementine. You are shining truth into a dark world that needs it so badly.
I feel like my body is a massive stadium and every cell in my body is applauding in a standing ovation right now and I don't think I've ever felt like that in my life. This piece reads like a blowtorch that never once lightens up. I don't know where these metaphors are coming from, I'm just floored an grateful, and I aspire to stand up for my people (and people who are not my people) with this level of sharp ferocity. 👏👏👏
I have not been cancelled, can’t even begin to imagine the pain and distress of it but you remain a lode star for me for not collapsing my boundaries, values and ethics in the face of domination and for resisting the impulse to police and be policed by others. Thank you for standing tall and firm. You give me the strength to do the same. You never should have had to do any of this. What happened to you is so wrong. Sharing your wisdom about it is extremely generous and gracious given you’ve very often not been given the same. Thank you for everything.
thanks for your unending bravery, Clementine. please thank Jay for me too. i’ve been cancelled, i know the struggle, but for y’all to have to deal with it on such a mass scale because of some bs accusations (or for any reason, even if the accusations /were/ legitimate) is despicable. but y’all have built a beautiful life & community & i am so happy to witness it 🩷
I’ve got so much fucking respect for you dude.
So fucking good. Thank you.
I'm profoundly grateful for you and your work. It's helped me begin to process my own experiences as an abuse survivor whose abuser was cancelled. It's a strange space to occupy. Not enough people talk about how traumatic cancellation is for the survivors/victims of intimate partner violence. You helped me understand that I wasn't the one who dehumanized him...the media took care of that. Because of cancel culture, the most horrific and shameful experiences of my life became sensationalized clickbait, and people who refused to protect me in real life became keyboard warriors for his downfall. And what was it all for? The news outlets get their clicks. The keyboard warriors wipe their hands saying "our work here is done" never acknowledging their own role. The broken systems everywhere never get a second glance. And now he's in prison, for a very long time, trauma compounded. I worry about the day he gets out and he blames me. I've always known that cancel culture did not give me safety or healing, and I have this sense that it also stole something from me. I'm still working through all this, 7 years since the relationship ended, 4.5 years since the cancelling.
This "anti-racist" flavor of racism drives me crazy.
For example, when I hear Nexans making jokes about how "white people can't dance," I want to pull my hair out. That's race science! Race science doesn't become anti-racist if it's used to insult white people! Even if we were to take the effect on white people out of the equation (which I think is a mistake as I see shame as a factor that perpetuates this type of behavior), it's still homogenizing and essentializing the dancing ability of non-white people by contrast!
I guess if I were to dig into what I'm really feeling under this analysis though, I think I'm frustrated and sad because I don't know how to talk to my friends that make those kinds of jokes in a way that they'll hear me. I want our connections to feel more joyful and easeful and I get tense when I hear comments like that.
Thank you for sharing and for all you and Jay do
I agree with everything you’ve written here, fervently. I’ve been seeing a lot of examples of this in certain communities I’m part of, on a much smaller scale, but it’s the same mechanism at work. People getting ostracized, kicked out of community events and activities, and publicly shunned for…not much, usually. Confused, hazy accusations. You ask for details and get excuses and justifications instead. It’s all so stupid. A little critical thinking could prevent all of it.
The cancellers aren’t bad people, in the cases I’ve seen. They are usually traumatized and easily triggered, not incredibly wise or intelligent, not particularly well read or prone to deep thought, not receptive or sufficiently sensitive to nuance and subtleties, and very susceptible to social pressure.
I want so deeply to reach more of these people. To dodge my own tendency to judge and dehumanize them the way they do to others. It helps to focus on the humanity behind the hatred. But damn, it makes me mad. And frustrated.
I wish I could snap my fingers and make everyone on the planet as intelligent, compassionate, and wise as you and Jay. And I cannot WAIT to binge your podcast. As a recent fan of your writing, I’m only now hearing about it and I’m pretty sure it’s gonna be my new obsession.
Thank you for the work you do, Clementine. You are shining truth into a dark world that needs it so badly.