I'm weird about hugs. Always have been. So many times in my life, I have longed for easy expression of physical affection with friends, and yet, with most people, when the time comes to hug goodbye I am stiff and awkward and stressed and rushing for it to be as brief as possible. The thing is, I would never have characterized this to myself as me not wanting to hug. Because internally I felt such a strong longing for that type of closeness. And, I ewanted it to be easy and chill and not a big deal. Often I would find that people who are usually huggers would stop trying to hug me, or people would point out that it seems like I'm not into hugs. This was always so frustrating and confusing to me because it seemed like I was giving off signals that were the exact opposite of what I really wanted. It would also add to this sense that I'm somehow different from other people, that there is something wrong with me. This would increase my stress and my shame and make hugging people even harder.
I wish I could like this post a million times. I've had a suspicion for a while that I might express a disorganized attachment style, but i had been told by my therapist for some reason that I was really just anxious preoccupied. I started rereading Jessica fern's polysecure yesterday, and again, those suspicions arose. Then I read this, and your words resonated so deeply with me that I literally started to feel high. Thank you for helping me make sense of myself and my relationships. Again and again and again. 😭💛
this!! i´m currently wrestling with a situation that my avoidant tendencies all very worked up which keeps happening lately in romantic stuff - but before i practiced polyamory, i would only experience anxious traits, and it´s sooooo damn confusing. I´ve been feeling quite desperate the past few days, feeling like dating is just too damn hard, too hard for me, and painful. Reading this text, and the one about distance creating safety, is helping me make sense of that wreck and finding some hopes AS WELL as realising maaaaybe i shouldn´t have fully discarded the very kind, but somewhat unavailable dudes - type of my twenties.
I wish I could like this post a million times. I've had a suspicion for a while that I might express a disorganized attachment style, but i had been told by my therapist for some reason that I was really just anxious preoccupied. I started rereading Jessica fern's polysecure yesterday, and again, those suspicions arose. Then I read this, and your words resonated so deeply with me that I literally started to feel high. Thank you for helping me make sense of myself and my relationships. Again and again and again. 😭💛
this!! i´m currently wrestling with a situation that my avoidant tendencies all very worked up which keeps happening lately in romantic stuff - but before i practiced polyamory, i would only experience anxious traits, and it´s sooooo damn confusing. I´ve been feeling quite desperate the past few days, feeling like dating is just too damn hard, too hard for me, and painful. Reading this text, and the one about distance creating safety, is helping me make sense of that wreck and finding some hopes AS WELL as realising maaaaybe i shouldn´t have fully discarded the very kind, but somewhat unavailable dudes - type of my twenties.