thank you for writing out with such clarity so much of what I was also thinking when I was reading Darian's book. It is infuriating and disheartening to see this trope of the "normal family man" who was "secretly a monster" being bandied around so often as in this case too. I am also an incest survivor of a narcissistic father, and I had a lot of recognition reading the book, and it felt validating to see that the clues are there in the details, because they are always there. just as the clues are in the details with my dad and my family too, even though they are very good at upholding a polished front of him being a "normal family man". I dont think that anyone is ever actually able to fully hide their violent behaviour, I think that's some kind of fantasy we want to believe because it absolves us from having to check in with what we feel about people's behaviour, about all the things that they are communicating, not just their words. I feel like this trope is also a way of saying he was white and middle class and therefore his abusive and no doubt shady/exploitative financial behaviour, sexism, incest, violence, and control could fly under the radar, be hidden in plain sight, seen and yet invisible. although, we could also turn the trope around and see that yes maybe he is a normal family man because in fact incest and a lot of the other types of violence he is guilty of is normal in the sense that it occurs so much more often than our society is prepared to admit.
thank you again for all the writing you do on incest, it is having a massive impact on my piecing together my own story, and it is such a gift to witness and support your courageous and clear-headed fighting. in survivor solidarity <3
I am so grateful for you and your work, Clementine. Our entire world suffers from this mass denial and dissociation of men's abuse of women and children; incest is one horrifying symptom of the sickness - patriarchy - that engulfs every culture of the world, and you are a warrior in the face of it. You are a cycle breaker. I am so grateful.
Thank you so much Clementine ! Great analysis. It is crazy that, as a French person, I'm only reading about the incest of this case, from a Canadian person ! Wow. Why is no one talking about this in our media ?
thank you for writing out with such clarity so much of what I was also thinking when I was reading Darian's book. It is infuriating and disheartening to see this trope of the "normal family man" who was "secretly a monster" being bandied around so often as in this case too. I am also an incest survivor of a narcissistic father, and I had a lot of recognition reading the book, and it felt validating to see that the clues are there in the details, because they are always there. just as the clues are in the details with my dad and my family too, even though they are very good at upholding a polished front of him being a "normal family man". I dont think that anyone is ever actually able to fully hide their violent behaviour, I think that's some kind of fantasy we want to believe because it absolves us from having to check in with what we feel about people's behaviour, about all the things that they are communicating, not just their words. I feel like this trope is also a way of saying he was white and middle class and therefore his abusive and no doubt shady/exploitative financial behaviour, sexism, incest, violence, and control could fly under the radar, be hidden in plain sight, seen and yet invisible. although, we could also turn the trope around and see that yes maybe he is a normal family man because in fact incest and a lot of the other types of violence he is guilty of is normal in the sense that it occurs so much more often than our society is prepared to admit.
thank you again for all the writing you do on incest, it is having a massive impact on my piecing together my own story, and it is such a gift to witness and support your courageous and clear-headed fighting. in survivor solidarity <3
Thank you for sharing this piece. I had no idea this was also a case of incest. I will be looking into the book.
Such an important article.
I am so grateful for you and your work, Clementine. Our entire world suffers from this mass denial and dissociation of men's abuse of women and children; incest is one horrifying symptom of the sickness - patriarchy - that engulfs every culture of the world, and you are a warrior in the face of it. You are a cycle breaker. I am so grateful.
Thank you so much Clementine ! Great analysis. It is crazy that, as a French person, I'm only reading about the incest of this case, from a Canadian person ! Wow. Why is no one talking about this in our media ?