I've been leaning into compassion and gratitude practices a lot lately as a counter to my people pleasing parts. The hardest thing for me has been speaking my own truth. This is so beautiful and touches on so many things I'm trying to integrate right now. Thank you for your writing, so much.
I love your framing of the sword analogy. Whenever I framed intergenerational violence as a sword passed down to me, it was easy to view this sword as a weapon used senselessly by those who came before me, one which I was now forced to carry against my will and find a noble purpose for — like I was the first person to ever put any thought into using the sword creatively. It never occurred to me that I could dare to search for just as much purpose and intention behind their use of the sword, even if it caused me pain. I love your implication — what if she knew what she was doing when she handed you the sword? What if she was looking for a hero? What if a part of her, deep down, didn't trust herself to cut off her own bindings, to free herself by wielding her sword properly, but she trusted you to do it? And gave you all the proper years of training and preparation for your task. It's poetic. This thought process opens so many doors few people are willing to enter.
This is a great piece. My Mom, before I went NC, was the same way -- "You focus on all the bad stuff! You never acknowledge the good stuff!" Beyond everything else it is, to me, it's always heartbreaking most of all. It's such a non-acknowledging acknowledgment that there was "bad stuff, and it was often the most acknowledgment she'd make of the "bad stuff" at all. It was so frustrating. It was like she was saying, "You want me to give you my acknowledgment of the 'bad stuff', so here you go, ON THE CONDITION that you also take this 'refusal to discuss the bad stuff' and 'simultaneous denial that there was bad stuff' with it. Package deal, all of them or none of them, best I can do!" So, so, so heartbreaking.
I've been leaning into compassion and gratitude practices a lot lately as a counter to my people pleasing parts. The hardest thing for me has been speaking my own truth. This is so beautiful and touches on so many things I'm trying to integrate right now. Thank you for your writing, so much.
WHOO so powerful. Beautifully put. Respect and congratulations on how far you’ve come. 🙏🏼💚
Powerful, sovereign, independent. Beautiful. Thank you 🙏
I would love to find words for the powerful shivering this writing gave me. Thank you for the beauty and power of it
I love your framing of the sword analogy. Whenever I framed intergenerational violence as a sword passed down to me, it was easy to view this sword as a weapon used senselessly by those who came before me, one which I was now forced to carry against my will and find a noble purpose for — like I was the first person to ever put any thought into using the sword creatively. It never occurred to me that I could dare to search for just as much purpose and intention behind their use of the sword, even if it caused me pain. I love your implication — what if she knew what she was doing when she handed you the sword? What if she was looking for a hero? What if a part of her, deep down, didn't trust herself to cut off her own bindings, to free herself by wielding her sword properly, but she trusted you to do it? And gave you all the proper years of training and preparation for your task. It's poetic. This thought process opens so many doors few people are willing to enter.
This is a great piece. My Mom, before I went NC, was the same way -- "You focus on all the bad stuff! You never acknowledge the good stuff!" Beyond everything else it is, to me, it's always heartbreaking most of all. It's such a non-acknowledging acknowledgment that there was "bad stuff, and it was often the most acknowledgment she'd make of the "bad stuff" at all. It was so frustrating. It was like she was saying, "You want me to give you my acknowledgment of the 'bad stuff', so here you go, ON THE CONDITION that you also take this 'refusal to discuss the bad stuff' and 'simultaneous denial that there was bad stuff' with it. Package deal, all of them or none of them, best I can do!" So, so, so heartbreaking.