Using “negligence” to describe this type of assault alongside examples of other kinds of criminal negligence really brings so much clarity to the distinction you’re exploring here! These convos around consent, communication, and consequences/repair can get so complicated once you step outside the ‘rules and requirements to consent/communication’ model--I really appreciate the work you’re doing to untangle such complex and painful problems and offer new language and frameworks to talk about them. The fearless honesty you bring to your writing is so essential when discussing sex and relationships!
I absolutely love this. I think a post like this also encourages us to be self-reflective- it’s very easy to say ‘I had no bad intentions so did nothing wrong’, and it’s much harder to say, ‘good intentions don’t necessarily mean you’ll always get it right’. Even when we have good intentions we still have to do work. As an SA victim, I remind myself in every sexual encounter that just because I am a victim that doesn’t mean that I can’t also hurt someone. It reminds me to be extra careful with my communication.
Wish I could share this with my 23 year old self. Thank you.
Using “negligence” to describe this type of assault alongside examples of other kinds of criminal negligence really brings so much clarity to the distinction you’re exploring here! These convos around consent, communication, and consequences/repair can get so complicated once you step outside the ‘rules and requirements to consent/communication’ model--I really appreciate the work you’re doing to untangle such complex and painful problems and offer new language and frameworks to talk about them. The fearless honesty you bring to your writing is so essential when discussing sex and relationships!
I absolutely love this. I think a post like this also encourages us to be self-reflective- it’s very easy to say ‘I had no bad intentions so did nothing wrong’, and it’s much harder to say, ‘good intentions don’t necessarily mean you’ll always get it right’. Even when we have good intentions we still have to do work. As an SA victim, I remind myself in every sexual encounter that just because I am a victim that doesn’t mean that I can’t also hurt someone. It reminds me to be extra careful with my communication.