I love to change

I learned to trust my body on the dance floor and I am learning to trust my heart

On the dance floor I am a scientist of my own inner sensations and impulses. The music offers doorways: my body moves through them. There are so many stories, memories, images, processes that move through me and I move through them: changed.

He is on the dance floor with me: the first one I showed this side of me. This is our second time here together. He has his own magic and his own processes to attend to. When I catch glimpses of him through the light and the darkness he looks so good. I feel connected to him.

I am moving and shaking and stomping and at times sobbing or crawling. I go totally crazy on the dance floor and I feel completely free. My only job is to see what comes and let it come and in this context I can finally be honest with myself. Through my body I can finally tell the truth. There is nothing that can’t be said. All of it moves through me, crashes through me, and feeling that, living that, changes me.

My body drenched with sweat, my hair soaking wet, my eyes full of tears, I’m laughing and laughing and moving. I never stop moving even when I am sometimes still. I’m in on a secret and the secret is that we are all so beautiful and we are alive. I feel so sexy in my aliveness, so lit up from the inside. I feel connected to all of these beautiful people and I feel deeply connected to myself: an absolute treasure of an experience for a developmental trauma survivor.