I can feel things I have never felt before

All the secret joys and greatest pleasures are a huge amount of work for me. There is so much pain to return to, over and over again. There is the terrifying surrender even within well earned trust. Even after all this work and all this time, I continue to struggle with fragmentation. I want to feel everything I feel and know everything I know at the exact same time. I want all of my experience to be available to me.

I am changing rapidly as I follow one lesson to the next. I keep trying to put authenticity into practice. I keep intentionally breaking the secret rules. Instead of staying silent, I say the thing I need to say. I ask for what I want. I tell the truth. I keep trying and this trying is paying off.