Everything is changing

My decision to take part in ayahuasca ceremony

For years and years I read the research on developmental trauma. Reading about the different therapeutic modalities. Trying to figure out what could help me with my treatment resistant complex ptsd. More than a decade of therapy under my belt and still, I carried such a heavy burden around with me.

For years and years the research lead me to psychedelics as a promising new frontier in the treatment of developmental trauma. And my mind snapped shut. I’m an alcoholic in AA and I could not risk even letting myself think about it.

But I’ve grown in my recovery. Over the past five years especially I have questioned more and more things that I told myself I was not allowed to question. Eventually I got well enough to question this. Why could I not even let myself consider psychedelics as a treatment option for me? Did I think it would lead me back to drinking? Honestly, no. Did I think I would become a compulsive user of psychedelics? Again, honestly, no. So what was it? And there it was.